Portable Problems
Portable Problems is the second episode of the spin-off, Sworn to Secrecy, and the second episode of season one. In this episode, Oscar assigns SpongeBob and Patrick to clear out his inbox. While doing so, Patrick finds an important message, and decides to save it on his Military Forensics Inc. USB, yet instead, accidentally sends it to a secret military base. In a succeeded attempt to retrieve the file, the military base sends the file to a place that's unexpected. Characters *SpongeBob SquarePants *Patrick Star *Sandy Cheeks *Squidward Tentacles *Male Fish 1 (The Military Base Leader) *Miscellaneous Guards *Janitor (cameo) *Surprise Twist Character (you'll just have to read and see) Transcript *''begins with a long shot of Bikini Bottom; camera begins panning around Bikini Bottom to reveal several fish, conversing; camera pans to reveal others walking their pets; camera pans to reveal a fish sleeping; camera pans to a medium shot of the ERGBB headquarters; camera pans slowly into Patrick's office; Patrick is sitting, working on his computer'' *'Patrick:' typing Only two thousand more words to go, huh? typing and leans back in chair If that doesn't make this job less boring, I don't know what will. *'SpongeBob:' in with mug of coffee What makes the job less boring, Patrick? Besides showing up. another sip of coffee *'Patrick:' Having to type up a three-thousand word report on the agency. It's not the best task in the world, but... *'SpongeBob:' But as long as you're doing it, on desk you get the big bucks, eh? *'Patrick:' typing You took the words right out of my mouth. *'SpongeBob:' I have my moments. more coffee *'Patrick:' What did you get tasked with doing? *'SpongeBob:' Nothing that has to be done today. Lucky me, I guess. *'Patrick:' to SpongeBob Are you procrastinating...again? *'SpongeBob:' up arms to sides Hey. If it isn't against company rules, don't expect it not to be done. *'Patrick:' back to computer Yeah. You're seeing it right now. typing Work's been killing me lately. I had no choice but to procrastinate. *'SpongeBob:' Understandable. in mug Ah, no way. Out of coffee. Now I have to walk by with coffee cup Oscar's office to get some more. *'Patrick:' The coffee room is past Oscar's office. *'SpongeBob:' scoffs If a miracle happens, maybe. It's in Oscar's office. He won't let me get any without him interrogating me about work. Isn't it our job to interrogate? Why is he treating us like the criminals? *'Patrick:' No idea. at SpongeBob with smirk Maybe because he wants us to do our best at the best spy agency in Bikini Bottom. *'SpongeBob:' smiles Whatever. back on desk We all need a break. If he gives us another assignment, I'll... *'Oscar:' out of camouflage from ceiling You'll do what? down to SpongeBob *'SpongeBob:' Ah! up Oscar! chest Don't frighten me like that. heavily If you want me to take time off for disability, you don't have to make it where it's a heart attack. *'Oscar:' to SpongeBob The only time you'll be taking off is in the unemployment line! at both SpongeBob and Patrick Now look alive, men. I have a job for you too. *'SpongeBob:' Besides the one we already have? *'Oscar:' back at SpongeBob slowly Yeeees. hisses *'Patrick:' What's the job? *'Oscar:' I'm glad you asked, Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick two folders I am giving you the secret links to my inbox. I need you to go into my inbox and delete every message in there. I would do it, but I have a life you know. out of room *'SpongeBob:' He has a life? Oh, and we don't? to Patrick *'Patrick:' shoulders Eh. back to computer *''cuts to a large computer room; SpongeBob and Patrick enter the room and walk over the reserved translucent, flat-screened computer, which is labeled Oscar'' *'SpongeBob:' off dust It seems like this computer hasn't been touched in weeks. Maybe even months. *'Patrick:' down on seat; turns on computer Doesn't matter. We have to get this done or our legs will be sore standing in the... *'SpongeBob:' ...Unemployment line? Seriously, what is Oscar going to do? *'Patrick:' typing Fire us. *'SpongeBob:' scoffs Whatever. Let's just get this over with. *'Patrick:' Working on it. Oscar's inbox must be huge. It's been taking like ten seconds just for it load. loads Whoa. Thirty thousand whole messages. mouse over the "delete all" button We better delete this as soon as possible. *'SpongeBob:' Hold it! at one message There's one message right there. It seems like it's from the...Sea Intelligence Agency? *''room gasps'' *'SpongeBob:' Hey. Return to your work stations. Nothing to see here. to Patrick We better save that message. You've got something for that, right? *'Patrick:' If I didn't, what kind of spy would I be? up silver USB; plugs it into computer Perfect. The USB should load up...loads up instantly. *'SpongeBob:' Great! rings; looks at phone Ooh, I got to take this. away *'Patrick:' Okay. Looks like I'm on my own here. folder on computer There's two? at two titles with "Military" on them Uh...I'm sure SpongeBob would know which one is which. mouse between both; clicks one I'll choose this one. pops up with "Sending" *'SpongeBob:' back; hangs up phone So...uh...what's up with the file? *'Patrick:' Just sent it. *'SpongeBob:' at computer Perfect, then. coughs Patrick, nervously I guess you really want us to get fired, huh? *'Patrick:' around to SpongeBob Get us fired? *'SpongeBob:' Oh, I just suspected since you yells sent the file to Fort Bikini Bottom! *''room gasps'' *'SpongeBob:' Return to your stations! to Patrick Do you know what you have just done, Patrick?! *'Patrick:' Sent one of the most important files under the sea to the harshest military base in all of the seven seas? *'SpongeBob:' hissing Precisely. down Okay. No need to worry. We just need to visit the base and ask them to give the file back. *'Patrick:' I doubt that a military base will just give us back such an important file. *'SpongeBob:' It's worth a shot. to water cooler Until then...glass of water; pours water on computer, causing it to shut down *'Patrick:' Uh...I don't mean to question you, but why didn't you just close the inbox? *'SpongeBob:' Can't hurt a sponge to come up with a back-up plan. Patrick by arm Now come on. We need to get that file...before it's too late. *''pans to a restaurant; several fish are talking; others are walking; some are jogging; camera pans to the military base'' *'Patrick:' at base Are you sure we have to go in there? *'SpongeBob:' We wouldn't have to if you didn't send one of Oscar's most important files to this base. *'Patrick:' But I don't think they'll let us in through the front door. *'SpongeBob:' pats Patrick on shoulder You're fun, you know that? *''cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick, who walk up to the front door'' *'SpongeBob:' Do you see any other way to get into the base other than the obvious way? *'Patrick:' around Nope. All I see is a ladder and a bunch of security cameras. *'SpongeBob:' Ladder and around at security guards...security cameras. Yeah, that's not gonna work. onto top of door hinge; continues to slide toward security camera; leaps and grabs door edge; kicks security camera; swings and kicks other camera; turns around and grabs ladder on side of building Ready for a little spy action? *'Patrick:' You know I always am. and grabs ladder; begins climbing up SpongeBob *'SpongeBob:' top of building with Patrick We made it, Patrick. looking for entrance I don't see any traditional entrances into the base. around fire escape wall No one around here either. *'Guard 1:' around corner; kicks SpongeBob to ground I don't want any trouble, sir. for tazor *'SpongeBob:' Too bad for you, sir, because you just got some. self up with hands *'Guard 1:' I tried to warn you. out tazor; throws arm at SpongeBob *'SpongeBob:' out of way of arm; hits guard in chin; grabs collar and throws guard into wall, knocking guard out Same here. gun cocks *'Patrick:' away SpongeBob, I think we have company. *'SpongeBob:' behind back for gun; finds emptiness; sighs Curse you, Oscar. *'Patrick:' SpongeBob out of way Duck, SpongeBob! police officer's gun Now, gentlemen, we don't want any... *'Guard 2:' Yeah yeah. How about you put down the gun? *'Patrick:' I guess we're in a stand still then. for USB behind back; rips off cover, leaving thr silver metal Nothing left to do then. bullet into air *'Guard 2:' Fire! bullet; Patrick throws the USB cover *''causes the explosion of the USB cover and the bullet'' *'Patrick:' down ladder Got to get away. Got to get away. bottom with SpongeBob *'SpongeBob:' What do you say to a retreat, Patrick? *'Patrick:' Fine by me. *''and Patrick are stopped by two guards'' *'Guard 3:' Not so fast! *'SpongeBob:' Oh, come on! *''cuts to the two muscular guards carrying SpongeBob and Patrick into the military base'' *'Patrick:' Look on the bright side of this, SpongeBob. *'SpongeBob:' What would that be, Patrick? At a time like this. *'Patrick:' We didn't have to find a complicated way to get into the base. *'SpongeBob:' I wish that were true. leg behind guard; flips, pinning guard to the ground *'Guard 3:' Oh no you don't! Patrick and runs toward SpongeBob *'Patrick:' off wall; hops into ceiling; lands on board; falls down from ceiling; lands on Guard 3 How's that for awesome? *'SpongeBob:' Pretty awesome. around; flips and kicks down security camera But we're a long way from getting that file. door sucks in both SpongeBob and Patrick; SpongeBob and Patrick both land in a candle-light, library room *'Patrick:' Where are we? *'SpongeBob:' I wish I knew, Pat. up; walks around Not a place I would take up residence, though. up vase Just a bunch of junk. falls on SpongeBob; brushes off cobweb And dusty/ *'Voice:' turns around; reveals male fish with gray suit I can see you might have a career in critisizing, young sponge. *'SpongeBob:' Nonsense. You can obviously see that we're spies. *'Voice:' Spies? chuckles I would have guessed otherwise, what with all your lack of weapons. *'Patrick:' Are you in with the security guards? Because if you are, I am not in the mood for fighting. down on chair *'Male Fish:' Neither am I. down at chair Last time I fought was when I didn't want to eat my radishes when I was a child. In diapers, in fact. *'SpongeBob:' We don't want to hear your backstory. We want to know what we have to do to get back what we want. *'Male Fish:' What you want? *'SpongeBob:' We accidently sent a file to this military base. A very important file, indeed. So, here's how it's going to go. to male fish You give us the file back. to self We leave. The world is back into coordination. *'Male Fish:' Well, as the leader of this military base, I like to make the rules as I go. button on desk; light flashes, blinding SpongeBob and Patrick *'SpongeBob:' Block your eyes! my male fish; male fish grabs SpongeBob's feet; throws SpongeBob into wall; SpongeBob falls to ground; male fish places foot on SpongeBob's back *'Male Fish:' turns off Now do you see what happens when I don't get what I want? *'SpongeBob:' male fish's leg; slips male fish; catches male fish with feet; kicks male fish with bottom of feet; props self to feet We're not leaving until we get that file, Mister. *'Male Fish:' So be it. suit; takes out USB from computer You can have your blasted file. *'SpongeBob:' Why so many USB's nowadays? out hand We'll take that USB to go. *'Male Fish:' Beh beh beh. I said you could have your file. USB; kicks USB into wall, breaking it I didn't say how I would give it to you. *'SpongeBob:' male fish's collar And I didn't say how I will break your... *'Patrick:' SpongeBob, not now! to television, where security guards are dispatched We have more important problems. male fish's laptop Hope you don't mind. *'Male Fish:' Hey, that's my laptop! *'SpongeBob:' Just be glad we're not going to break it like a USB. male fish into wall *'Patrick:' around; feels for escape This area is enclosed, SpongeBob. There's only one way in but no way out. *'SpongeBob:' No! There has to be. up There's no air vents to get out? *'Male Fish:' up No! There's not! I made it that way because it gets so dang hot out here. *'SpongeBob:' Really? around again The walls are made of...on wall wood, I presume. *'Male Fish:' Yes? What's your point? You're not going to bust out the room by breaking the wood, square man. There's a six-inch thick wall of metal behind that wood. *'SpongeBob:' laughs Why risk the pain, then? at Patrick Patrick, may you do the honors? *'Patrick:' wall; opens up panel, revealing windows Smart, SpongeBob. Smart. *''are heared charging toward the room'' *'SpongeBob:' Compliments can wait, Patrick. and SpongeBob leap out of room *'Guard 4:' Where'd they go?! *'Male Fish:' to window Out there! *'Guard 4:' out window, only to see no one They're gone. *''cuts to the agency; SpongeBob and Patrick are inside of the technical room on the male fish's laptop'' *'Patrick:' That mean ol' fish may have ruined our USB with that file, but there's one thing he forgot to do. up important file He forgot to activate the firewall. Kind of amateur for a military base leader, huh? *'SpongeBob:' Very much so. smiles Well, now that the file is safe...beeps *'Patrick:' Oh come on! screen pops up with "Firewall has been activated"; lays head between arms on desk table *'SpongeBob:' Looks like he's not as amateur has we thought. *'Patrick:' head and looks at SpongeBob; sighs *''cuts to military base; the male fish is on another laptop; a guard is standing right beside him'' *'Male Fish:' They may have the file, but they can't access it when the firewall is up. laptop Those fools are playing my patience. They think they've bested me. up No! With the firewall up, they can't read that file. hands Yet, that doesn't mean they can't hack it. laptop But no matter. typing I'll just send the file to...laughs a safe house. A safe house indeed. *''cuts back to the ERGBB agency technical room; SpongeBob and Patrick are still working with the laptop'' *'SpongeBob:' water cooler; pours water into cup So, do you think you'll be able to hack the firewall? *'Patrick:' Maybe. That depends on the coding. It could take days...maybe even weeks before we even get something. *'SpongeBob:' We don't even have hours. Oscar's going to check on our progress any hour on the hour now. *'Patrick:' Okay. Okay. The computer is working as fast as it...beeps Yes! The firewall is hacked! typing Okay. All we need is to access the file, and...we have nothing. sighs *'SpongeBob:' What?! cup Someone's cleaning that up! to computer What happened this time? *'Patrick:' It seems the file was sent to another source before we could access it. *'SpongeBob:' What source? *'Patrick:' Well, it was to an IP address known as..."Sass In The Bass"? *'SpongeBob:' "Sass in The Bass"? Bass? sighs Yeah. Does anyone else feel a faint coming on? *'Patrick:' Not yet. If we're going to have to see Brandon again, we need to save the faint for when things get worse. walking away And we know that's going to happen. *'SpongeBob:' Patrick Oh, do we now? *'Patrick:' Absolutely. at door And I think the worst is about to come even before we get to the government building. *'SpongeBob:' Why are we stopping at Sandy's office? *'Patrick:' Well...at nervously at SpongeBob *'SpongeBob:' widen No. Oh no. walking backward *'Patrick:' It's going to be quick and painless, SpongeBob. Somebody has to tell her. *'SpongeBob:' Hey. That girl knows five forms of ninjitsu. I could lose a limb in there. *'Patrick:' But SpongeBob, you have to. *'SpongeBob:' Why me? *'Patrick:' around; leans in Because I don't want to. I could lose a limb. *'SpongeBob:' scoffs Oh, come on. Like I'm not?! *'Patrick:' Least likely. door and pushes SpongeBob in Good luck. *'Sandy:' in front of SpongeBob Why are you and Patrick talking all secretly in front of my door? *'SpongeBob:' Don't we work for a secret agency? *'Sandy:' You better tell me. What is going on?! *'SpongeBob:' It's going to take waaaay too much explaining to even summarize what's going on, but I'm going to put it like this: we need to go to the government meeting hall. *'Sandy:' sits down at computer chair Again? *'SpongeBob:' Yes, again. *'Sandy:' at watch It's only three after ten. I think we have enough time until noon when traffic clears. Tell me what's going on. *'SpongeBob:' It has to do with a very important file for Oscar. Patrick lost it. *'Patrick:' outside of door Hey! No names! *'SpongeBob:' So now, the military sent the file to the government building. Now, we need to gather the team to get it back. *'Sandy:' Gather the team? How will Squidward be any help? *'SpongeBob:' Because he's an asset to the team. head And because we need all the help we can get. *'Patrick:' door Really? Small agency, because out here, we need all the help we can get! door; presses red button, sounding an alarm; red light flashes in the hall *'SpongeBob:' What's going on? *'Patrick:' It's an ambush! Sandy, and Patrick run out into hall *''hall is surrounded by scowering fish; the fish are running from a fish, dressed in a gray suit, armed with a bowstaff'' *'SpongeBob:' Who's he?! *'Patrick:' No idea. He just walked in with this long stick. He hasn't hurt any yet. *'Security Guard:' Freeze! out of room with other police officers *'Fish in Suit:' to police Make me! fire bullets; fish in suit leaps into air; begins rotating the bowstaff, deflecting the bullets; lands on ground I guess you can't. bowstaff at police officers; bowstaff turns into net in midair; net covers the officers *'Sandy:' I got this! out pen; presses button, which turns the pen into a bowstaff; charges toward fish in suit Time to meet your match! bowstaff at fish in suit *'Fish in Suit:' the bowstaff When is he or she coming? down bowstaff *'Sandy:' Retrieting so soon? down bowstaff Obviously you want to talk. *'Fish in Suit:' Not exactly. into coat pocket *'Sandy:' You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were reaching for a weapon. into pocket I'll be ready for it. *'Fish in Suit:' Will you really? out object *'Sandy:' a pin out of pocket into object, pinning it to wall A piece of paper? *'Fish in Suit:' Yep. A note from the government. You guys didn't make them too happy. onto wall; jumps to next wall and into ceiling *'Sandy:' note "We have received your message. Too bad we took it as an insult". *'SpongeBob:' over with Patrick An insult? How are we insulting the government? *'Patrick:' I don't know, but I don't like the sound of it. note into pocket We better get moving and fast. *'Sandy:' I might have to hang back. around In case some other goons come to the agency. *'SpongeBob:' The two musketeers? Again? eyes Okay, then. Come on, Patrick. *'Patrick:' Sadly, I will. *''cuts to the government meeting hall; each room contains one person, receiving several calls on different phones; some government officials are strotting down the meeting hall'' *'SpongeBob:' desk in empty room; speaking to Patrick Okay, so here's the plan. We both split up. I'll go down the north side while you go east. When you go east, you'll be the closest to the inbox, which, luckily, is closed on Thursdays. On the north side is the technical room. I'll shut down the inbox right after you retrieve the message. *'Patrick:' Are you sure you're going to be safe? *'SpongeBob:' laughs If I wanted to be safe, do you think I would have joined a spy organization? *'Government Official 1:' into room Hello?! Who's in here?! Hello?! *'Patrick:' Uh oh. onto desk; leaps onto hands; kicks up and kicks the government official out of the room Now what do I do, SpongeBob? *'SpongeBob:' out of room Oh no. This man has just had a heart attack! of fish surround the government official Let's book! and Patrick begin walking to the intersection of the hall Clear of the plan? *'Patrick:' Yep. Just don't know how we're going to get through that. to emptiness *'SpongeBob:' Get through what? *'Patrick:' to box on wall That. *'SpongeBob:' No way! It's rigged! looks up and sees vent Ready for a non-cliché path to our destinations? *'Patrick:' Don't mind if I do. *''cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick, crawling through the air ducts'' *'Patrick:' coughs Gosh. You would think with all of the ventilation in here, it wouldn't be this dusty. *'SpongeBob:' Quit complaining. People will hear us. *'Patrick:' Never mind that. Mind the plan. How are we supposed to know north from south in these air ducts? *'SpongeBob:' Well, to trick burglars, government building's air vents blow west to lead the burglars, if they go into the air ducts, to a designated place where they can be jailed. Therefore, we need to avoid west. *'Patrick:' So, avoid the plan, is what you're saying? *'SpongeBob:' What are you talking about? *'Patrick:' According to the plan, I'm supposed to go west to the inbox room. *'SpongeBob:' That's right! And in order to get there, we have to pass the burglar holding cells. sighs Just great. *'Patrick:' Hmm. Maybe not. up fists We can get in anywhere we want with a little five finger action. *'SpongeBob:' I like that sense of style, Patrick. Maybe we can put those words to the test. down; sees "Inbox" room Bingo. Ready, Patrick? *'Patrick:' Always am. and Patrick burst out of the air ducts *'Security Guard:' widen Johnson! guard runs out of room *'SpongeBob:' toward security guard; hits security guard in nose, knocking him into wall Out of our way or you don't get hurt. Well, more than you already are. *'Security Guard:' You think that hurt? I come from a town where pain only came when you lost a limb. toward SpongeBob *'SpongeBob:' over guard; touches wall with hands; kicks back on security guard Then hold onto your leg. guard hits face on wall, knocking him out Wow. That was a lame joke I just made. *'Patrick:' Step out of the way, and no one gets hurt here. *'Officer Johnson:' Oh, really? out tazor *'Patrick:' Or tazed. Either way, no one gets either of the above. tazor; flips onto hands; uses feet to kick the guard in the face Looks like we have to resort to the first option. on feet *'Officer Johnson:' mouth Pretty good fighter. I remember criminals like you. toward Patrick *'Patrick:' I bet you do. Officer Johnson's arm; flips Johnson; kicks him into other guard Too bad I'm not a criminal. *'SpongeBob:' Whoo. What a workout. over to Patrick Who knew this plan makes you feel the burn? *'Patrick:' I would have if his tazor hit me. *'SpongeBob:' Speaking of tazors...tazor; uses it on door to short-circuit the lock; opens door I'm in. Get to the inbox room. *'Patrick:' I will! *'SpongeBob:' self Now to be ready. door *'Patrick:' behind self to see more police officers Oh, just great. *''cuts to SpongeBob, walking around in the technical room'' *'SpongeBob:' Whoa. This room is amazing! You can see everything in here! I even think this one is better than the one we have at our agency! at large screen Whoa. Security cameras of every single room in the government facility! flipping through security cameras; sees Patrick, flipping from approaching bullets Yikes. Oh, I bet he'll be fine. the channel *'Voice:' Stop messing with that stuff! *'SpongeBob:' out gun from suit Show yourselves! *'Janitor:' up from behind couch; holds hands up Whoa. It's just me. The janitor. The only weapon I have is a wet mop, and that's saying something compared to the other janitors here. *'SpongeBob:' gun in back of pants What are you doing in here? *'Janitor:' Uh...hello. Janitor. I'm here to clean. sweeping floor *'SpongeBob:' Of course. Of course. idea Hey! I bet you come in here a lot, right? *'Janitor:' About three times a day. *'SpongeBob:' And I bet you know what those controls do, right? *'Janitor:' I may have touched a few buttons and what's-it's is my day. *'SpongeBob:' Do you mind telling me what they do? *'Janitor:' Listen. I'm a janitor, yet the agency even made me take an oath to keep whatever is in here absolutely under wraps. We can't even tell what we use for lighting. *'SpongeBob:' I'd say they are...Dual Halogen Blend 2.0 from...Cod Lighting Services. Correct? *'Janitor:' sighs Okay. What do you want to know? *'SpongeBob:' smirks Just a few things. *''cuts to the inbox room; Patrick is in the air ducts, using his laptop to connect to the inbox'' *'Patrick:' Gosh. This building has, like, no firewall protection whatsoever. typing Here we are. The file. out USB; plugs it into computer Downloading. Downloading. Eighty percent. Ninety percent. One hundred percent! Whoo! sighs And buffering. Buffering. Rendering. Rendering. And...complete! Perfect! laptop Score for Patrick! *'Security Guard 3:' door I heard him come in here. I know it. *'Patrick:' Uh oh. crawling This air conditioner isn't the only heat on me. *''cuts back to the technical room; the janitor is showing SpongeBob some of the controls'' *'Janitor:' And this is used to cut security footage from any room in the entire building. *'SpongeBob:' Really? I think you know where this is going. *'Janitor:' sighs Fine. button, turning off the footage in the technical room *'Patrick:' in through air ducts I'm here. I got the message! *'SpongeBob:' button; computer says "Inbox has been deleted" Let's get out of here, Patrick. The two musketeers are late for not being here. *'Janitor:' Whoa. in front of SpongeBob I can't just let you leave. *'SpongeBob:' over water bucket Can you now? *'Janitor:' growls If I weren't paid to clean this mess up...cleaning up spill *''cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick, sneaking beside corner to exit the government facility'' *'SpongeBob:' We're almost there. *'Patrick:' Yes! Finally, this whole thing is going to be over. We have the file and the government will never know we took it. *'SpongeBob:' around corner Don't speak too soon, Patrick. The government's not our only problem as of right now. *'Patrick:' Huh? around corner; sees military leader around the corner, shaking hands with a government official Not now! Not while we're outnumbered! *'SpongeBob:' Don't worry. We won't have to fight them. closer to see government official, handing the military leader a USB Not unless they have a USB as well! *'Patrick:' What?! up USB They must have put the file on the USB before we did. *'SpongeBob:' Then, get ready for some brawling. *'Patrick:' We can't just brawl. We have to plan. Just pretend as if you're walking out of the building like any other normal citizen. We'll go unnoticed. *'SpongeBob:' Okay, you're right. exhales Let's go. and SpongeBob begin walking speedily out of the government building; looks back at the USB No, Patrick! We can't leave. *'Patrick:' What do you mean? *'SpongeBob:' We got ourselves into this mess, and we have to get out of it, or else we'll put the whole agency, maybe even the whole ocean, in danger! Who knows what's on that USB? On our USB. *'Patrick:' pause I guess you're right, SpongeBob. Let's do this for the agency. *'Guard 4:' Agency, you say? both SpongeBob and Patrick with foot *'SpongeBob:' Oof! up and kicks the guard back; leaps behind guard and grabs arm Looks like you really want a broken arm. lifts SpongeBob and throws him *'Guard 4:' And it looks like we have ourselves some spies. *'Male Fish 1:' Well well well. If it isn't you two again. toward SpongeBob and Patrick I see that you two have spotted our little hand-off. *'SpongeBob:' up along with Patrick That's right. And we're not happy with it. I suggest you hand over the USB and we won't have to cause a scene in front of the fish here. *'Male Fish 1:' laughs Negotiation. Aren't you adorable? *'SpongeBob:' Male Fish 1 away with foot No. I'm not. Neither is my partner here. Tell them, Patrick. *'Patrick:' Tell them what? *'Male Fish 1:' up I see how you want to play it. I think two can play at this little game. button; six guards teleport behind Male Fish 1 Or should I say seven? guards ''The guards and I would love to join this little game night. *'SpongeBob:' Where did you take them? *'Male Fish 1:' Just to your little agency. But don't worry. Soon, they'll be no agency left. *'Patrick:' You little sneak! ''at Male Fish 1 along with SpongeBob *'Male Fish 1:' You fools! button; all are teleported to roof You can't defeat me! a charging SpongeBob and Patrick I'm invincible as long as I have this remote. You can't defeat me! Nor could you before! Never can you now! *'SpongeBob:' up Before? What do you mean before? *'Male Fish 1:' You really haven't noticed, have you? another button; turns into Brandon *'SpongeBob:' Brandon Bass?! *'Brandon:' That's right! evilly It was me all along! Plotting my revenge all that time has made me realize what I really needed. I needed to take down all my obstacles. Therefore, leaving a clear path for me to get what I want. So clear, in fact, all I needed was me and this remote! *'Patrick:' But why, Brandon? Why? *'Brandon:' Because, you imbecile, I'm evil! laughs *''and Patrick stand up, angrily'' *'Brandon:' Guards! block Brandon *'SpongeBob:' This thing just got a little more complicated. *''cuts to Squidward, lying on the ground, obviously in pain'' *'Squidward:' stomach You still...to ground from crawling haven't told me why you are here. *'Guard 5:' foot on Squidward Because we were told. That's all we needed. *'Sandy:' from wall; tackles Guard 5; ties up guard with rope Take that! guard approaches; Sandy flips over approaching guard; pulls on rope, hitting the tied-up guard into the approaching guard, knocking both of them out That's how we do it espionage style. to Squidward Squidward! Squidward, are you okay? *'Squidward:' up Well, that depends. Are the mean men gone? *'Sandy:' Not gone. Just unconscious. at one guard's wrist and sees watch Well this is peculiar. *'Squidward:' What is? *'Sandy:' Well, this guard is wearing a watch, yet it doesn't show the time. *'Squidward:' standing up Maybe it's not a watch at all. *'Sandy:' Yeah. Maybe not. watch; the guards, Sandy, and Squidward are teleported *''cuts to the roof, where SpongeBob and Patrick are fighting the guards'' *'SpongeBob:' guard in nose Had enough yet? *'Guard 6:' SpongeBob That depends. How much energy do you have left? SpongeBob into Patrick *''and Patrick are left lying on the ground, half-conscious'' *'Brandon:' Ha ha ha! I told you that you couldn't defeat me! *'Patrick:' groggily Technically, we...didn't defeat...you. We defeated...your...guards. down ''Well, at least almost. *'Brandon:' Eh. Potato tomato. Tomato potato. *Squidward, and the unconscious guards are teleported to the roof'' *'Sandy:' Well if that wasn't weird, then I don't know what is anymore. *'Brandon:' Guards, attack! *'Squidward:' Brandon?! What is he doing here? guard away; cartwheel kicks away; flips onto hands and kicks another Gosh, there are a lot of guards. *'Sandy:' Yeah. It's almost as if they're coming by command. Almost as if by...Brandon's remote A remote! Of course! guard into remote, breaking it when he falls *'Brandon:' No! growls You guys broke my remote! *'Squidward:' What are you going to do about it? Cry? laughs *'Brandon:' I was thinking something else. out both USBs Both of these USBs contain the important message. down And we're about two hundred feet in the air. Who wants to make a bet? *'SpongeBob:' up Don't do it! If we lose the file and you lose the file, then we're both losers! *'Brandon:' That's the good thing about being a bad guy, SpongeBob! You don't always have to win every battle! *'Sandy:' self; looks at watch on guard's arm I guess he's right. You don't have to win every battle. watch; opens watch Just as I thought. Alkaline metal. Looks like this is a win/lose situation. out alkaline metals; heats the metal; throws the metal at the USBs Brace yourselves! *''Patrick, Sandy, and Squidward brace themselves; explosion occurs at the top of the building'' *'SpongeBob:' and whiffs away smoke Was that really necessary, Sandy? *'Sandy:' coughs If we wanted to protect the most important file in the ocean, it was probably our only option. *'Patrick:' Yeah. coughs *'Squidward:' Too bad the file's gone forever. *'Patrick:' Not exactly. out laptop The file is still saved right here on the laptop. *'Sandy:' Perfect! We better get it back to the agency. *'SpongeBob:' sniffs That might be a problem. laptop lid I thought I smelled...microprocessor. *'Patrick:' It must have been destroyed in the battle! Now what? *'SpongeBob:' Maybe this is just one secret we should keep to ourselves. I bet if that file was all that important, it would have been sent directly to Oscar's office computer, right? *'All Group:' Yeah. I think so. Sounds reasonable. *'Patrick:' Well, we better get going. We have a report to finish. *'SpongeBob:' We? Remember, procrastinator. leap from the roof of the building *''sirens in the distance; smoke and fire is rising from the top of the building'' *''ends'' Category:Sworn to Secrecy Category:Sworn to Secrecy Episodes Category:Sworn to Secrecy Season One Episodes Category:Episodes Category:2013